George Dodds's picture

No matter how hard life is, however much of a struggle it may seem there will always be someone worse off than yourself.
Please spare a thought for those forced, often by circumstances beyond their control: poor life choices, poverty, addiction, living in Chirnside – to spend Saturday night watching terrestrial TV.
Our thoughts are with them and I believe that as Bandits fans we must do everything in our power – although probably stopping short of actual abduction – to help them break free and join us on the terraces and in the home straight posh seats when Peterborough visit Shielfield on May 20.
Because it is inhumane that so many in Berwick should find themselves in the same position as I did last weekend.
Come 7pm instead of listening to Messrs McCleary, Clarke and Hayward – purveyors of wit, wisdom and merry japes to the masses – I was surfing Freesat’s channels desperately trying to find something approximating entertainment.
Now I’m not usually one to apportion blame but had we not lost to Ipswich we would probably have been racing the second leg of the KO Cup last Saturday – just saying boys. But if it happens again I pray that Scott, Jamie and Havvy will consider resurrecting the North Sea Best Pairs, 4 Bs Challenge, the Ecclefechan/Tweedside Trophy, The Paw Patrol Sprint Cup … anything other than leave us twiddling our remote controls on a Saturday.
I’m not especially hard to please – earlier in the week I, much to my surprise, it turned out that a day out in Falkirk can be both exciting and fulfilling (a boat trip through the Falkirk Wheel and The Kelpies in case you find yourselves at a loose end).
But for God’s sake Saturday night TV – what happened?
OK some of it is self inflicted as I have an aversion to pouring my hard-earned cash into the pockets of the Murdochs, Netflicks or various other American mega media organisations hell-bent on world domination and dodgy Lord of the Rings rip-offs but, sheesh, there is some garbage masquerading as entertainment on a Saturday.
Final Score set the tone – how the hell could Sunderland win at Hull and why on earth is Garth Crooks allowed anywhere near a TV camera?
Normally I would have Dafabet Welsh League Football on S4C as a fallback position, or Pro12 rugby in either Welsh or Gaelic, even Scottish Championship football on Alba but not this weekend.
Instead I settled for Devanshi – an Indian romantic drama in Hindi whose “plot revolves around a child divinely selected as a dedication to the goddess. The mystery is that the innocence of the child outwits the wiles of adults around her. It has lessons for both children and adults”.
Seriously it was the best choice by quite some margin – Colors TV, Channel 621 in case you’re interested.
A New Tricks so old that Denis Waterman had acne, Al Jazeera’s enlightening update on the French Presidential Election and a documentary on how Vladimir Putin is the world’s most trusted leader (Russia Today) were the best alternatives to the nerdy naffness that is Dr Who and the similarly recycled single storyline of Casualty.
Inevitably I ended up at Britain’s Got Talent. Well it might have, but it had gone out for a sly pint followed by a large doner, with salad, and a bit of Saturday night sharking at Bedrocks this particular evening.
One teenager did show that he had fully grasped the concept of modern tv stardom. He couldn’t sing for toffee, his piano playing was modest to say the least but he made sure that everyone knew that the song he had written was especially for his old gran who had dementia or something similar.
Cue standing ovations, sniffling and crying from the two clotheshorse judges and the unfunny one from Little Britain and there was even a tear in the eye of Simon Cowell – or it may have been flashing pound signs, hard to tell.
During the commercial break ITV ran a trailer for its next Super Saturday show. It featured Paddy McGuinness – a comedian who has done some decent stuff over the years – and Keith Lemon – one who hasn’t – re-enacting the watermelon scene from Dirty Dancing.
They may have been having the time of their lives; I was fast losing the will to live.
With hindsight I should have shinned up a drainpipe at Shielfield and watched the behind closed doors training session from the roof of the stand.
This week I’m taking no chances and have a couple of Euro Cop boxsets to turn to – Saga in the Bridge or Capitaine Berthold in Engrenages should do the trick while one eye will be on the updates from Workington.
Then it’s back to the real reason that Saturdays exist. Roll on May 20.